Friday, February 19, 2010

Do Not Poke the Bear by Madama Sebastian

Marriage is not simple in any country, but it can be simplified.

Where I live in Chennai, India, marriages are often arranged. Parents, with a maturity that rises above the fluctuating young adult hormones, do most of the arranging. Indian parents want their children to marry someone with potential. Potential translates to the proper age, religion, skin tone, caste, family history, degree, career and cash total in the bank. Compatibility and love are acquired through and during marriage, not necessarily considered pre-requisites.

Americans could borrow from Indian tradition. Not that I see US parents taking over the mate choosing process for their children. For better or worse, Americans have been marrying by personal choice far too long for that. There is a chance, though, that a left continent marriage might last longer by taking a cue from the East--by developing spouse-to-be checklists. If you’re wincing because the idea feels a little like more like being bred than wed, take a closer look at our own culture.

When you are buying a car, you research, watch interest rates, study advertising, scrutinize gas mileage, inhabit salespeople-free car lots on Sundays and kick all the tires including the spare. A dollar bill will not be released from your wallet until a car passes your full inspection. Now, if we’re that picky about an investment that lasts, at most, a decade, we should be down right fanatics about scoping out partners we will share morning breath with for more than half a century.

A checklist couldn’t hurt. It may seem a bit clinical to write down what you need in a spouse but later when the clouds of love fog your right mind, you may thank yourself. In the rush of passion, you will still be able to point to the list and see that “Yes, I CAN live with a snorer!”

If you intend to travel through life with another, may I suggest that you include somewhere near the top of your checklist: Must Wake Up Well. . I am hope-to-die-if-I’m-lyin’ serious. A spouse who wakes up pleasantly is one who cannot and should not be replaced. I am fortunate to have such a specimen as a husband.

The instant his sleep-weighted eyes open, he smiles and it is not usually a gastric event. It is the way he is--ready to meet the moving world and deal with daylight, birdsong and barking dogs. I, the womb-shaped introvert, beg the night gods for five more long minutes of quiet, please. Waking represents responsibility I refuse to handle just yet and I look the part, too with eyes stuck at half mast and movement by the millimeter.

My husband is aware that it is beyond a serious infraction to attempt to hurry me to wakefulness. The following are forbidden: jolting, poking, any form of dog saliva and most evil summoning of all, tickling. If caffeine is not quickly forthcoming, a disturbing back-throated ggaaaaaaaaaaawwww is emitted--the warning of a hibernating bear forced too early from her cave, pawing blindly at the burst and chatter of sun and noise. Meanwhile somewhere else in the house, my husband climbs steps, waters plants, dances to music, and sometimes even uses electrical appliances or lights matches. This is from a man who was dead to the waking world just five minutes ago.

My husband’s willingness to accept full and immediate consciousness and actually enjoy it may be his greatest quality. That he is also capable of coping with a person who is stubbornly unwilling is a solid second.

People who carpe noctem absolutely require people who carpe diem. Just in case you might be taking notes…..…………


Isha Shiri said...

Hello! Very cool what you write.

I am Israeli, secular, modern, and no one around my family is Orthodox, but I met my husband for advice from my parents and his parents. Actually I was 28 yeas old and he 38 at the time when we were in photography. I lived in Israel and He in Brazil.

I did a lot of questions to him via e-mail and MSN Messenger on one long year, I asked if he was to much noise at night, etc ... :) I'm laughing to remember as many questions as we did to each other before I could see him face to face.

Now all is well, we married and living together in Brazil and I will has a son. And to tell the truth, it was great to hear from him before going live with him, he isn't a liar! It is much easier to cope and live than I expected and I think he's attractive, of course!

I will visit your Blog to read more!


boo7a said...

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Muhammmad Riaz said...

nice post
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SaraJ said...

thank u

Marize Camara said...

Olá, boa tarde!
Vim retribuir a visita e agradecer pelo comentário deixado no meu blog.
Adorei aqui e já estou a seguir.
Postagem de grande aprendizado e reflexão.
Para se ter um grande amor, tem que haver cumplicidade, aceitação, união. Basta um sorriso pela manhã para que o dia junto a seu amado, seja perfeito.
Voltarei mais vezes.

Roder Rock said...

Wow! The first person in the comments is my dear wife Isha Shiri - Adelle!

She really does not waste time ... My goodness, luck though she only wrote good things. (I'm only joking about. She is really wonderful).

Being serious now: - Thank you for visiting my blog.

God bless you.

Maria said...

I love your description of your husband in the morning. I actually did have a list before I met Charles; I can't remember much of what was on it, though I remember wanting him to have curly brown hair (hair definetly being something you should consider about your future partner...). Turns out he does have curly brown hair, and a million other characteristics that make him a great match for me. Hurrah for lists!

SaraJ said...

i´m glad

Muhammmad Riaz said...


hit+++keep in touch
have a nice time

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ally12 said...

I remembered a person who once told me that marriage also comes to us like death.We dont know when exactly it will happen to us.Just like on my case.I married on a time that I never planned nor expected.Even the person I married wasnt really on my imaginary list of men I wanna exchange of vows.

As a young lady I had set some standard for an ideal husband.But tOday, after about 7 years of marriage with my spouse I realized that those standards I had was never met.But in fairness to my husband he is not that far from those criteria.He actually is much better ; )

Soraya said...

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed my blogs.
Always appear!

Jade "Purple" Brown said...

im so happy you became on of my little fashion gods!thanks for your wonderful comment!

Anita said...

I found your blog via the blog,


and am so glad I did. This one is lovely.

Anita said...

So happy to make your acquaintance over at Another radio gypsy! Who'd-a-thunk it - I mean look at where we both ended up - a million miles apart but with much in common. I hope you'll be posting pictures of the new grandchildren soon. If you visit, you'll see what I'm working on now.

Roder Rock said...


It is a pleasure your comments on my blog.

I thank and wish luck to you both too!

Reiki by shiko said...


Nice meet you!

Cloudia said...

Aloha, Friend!

Comfort Spiral

Lau Milesi said...

Hi Sunshine & Baba!!!
I loved your post. Very interesting!
I´ll visit your blog to read more posts.

Thanks for your visit and your comment.
It was a pleasure to meet you.
You have a great Portuguese.
A big hug from Rio de Janeiro-Brasil.

Nanang E20s said...

Hmm, interesting story

Nanang E20s said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
the wanderer said...

such a fun post! i am actually mixing my energies with a potential (mate). this post is funny, however it really got me thinking... shaking the marbles in my head that i might consider some of the basic life-facts as well as passion when making my decision. thanks guys!

Norel said...

It's fun to read your blog and keep it up the good work. Thank you for visiting my blog.

Celine said...

Very interesting blog you have.. expect my visit more often.. thanks and have a wonderful day

Snaggle Tooth said...

I thought I'd left a comment on this post which said:
Thanks for visiting ESR, n leaving your comment.
nice blog, I'll be back n readm more!

Amusing post, tho I am currently single. I have issues awakening to loud noise n hurry-ment- n must also take my time, or risk accident due to dizziness!
You are very lucky to get along with your mate so well!

Crystal said...

I agree on Americans needing a checklist - after dating several guys - when I got serious about the 'right' one - I had a checklist, but so many of my friends don't - marry the first one that asks or marry because they are good in bed - what? I have one friend who is on her 4th husband - I don't attend her weddings anymore.

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